Recently, I have been learning that things aren't always going to go the way I want them to, or even expect them to. One would think that in a religious school, a private christian school no less, the students there would be more friendly and loving. After all, like a friend of mine said: "That's what Christians are supposed to do!" So why are many of the people around me constantly backstabbing me, and gossiping about me behind my back? I can smile and pretend to look happy on the outside. I can pretend that it doesn't bother me, but being the social creature that I am, I like having friends to talk to. When many of those friends start abandoning me because of vicious twisting of the truth and lack thereof, and I am left with few around me whom I would trust my feelings to without those words of confidence igniting rumors afresh, Who do I turn to? Why can't my a fore mentioned friend wait in one of the buildings to pick up my sister for work without random people whispering behind her loud enough to hear that "Those jeans are too ripped, and they make her look slutty. Besides, fat people shouldn't wear pants." That was when I realized I can't trust most of the people at my school, "christian" or not.
I have been seriously struggling with major depression issues for some time now. Whether my current poor health is to blame, or my social circumstances, I often feel like I can't tell anyone or they will judge me harshly, just as they judged my decisions and situations as of late. Sometimes writing helps, but most of the time, I feel depressed just to be around the people whom I know are putting on a charade, and nothing helps get rid of that feeling. Being near them is a smothering feeling of nearly tangible hatred and disgust. No one deserves to be treated that way. Christ commanded his followers to love everyone, and no one could possibly argue that the way many people act is in any way loving.
John 13: 34-35 ESV
A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you are also to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.
I don't mean this to say that EVERYONE around me has been treating me this way. I have a few best friends who have never lost faith in me, a few good friends who have always supported me, prayed for me, held me up in their arms literally and figuratively. And I can never thank them enough. These are the friends that have kept me from falling, from drowning, and giving up in the middle of this. Real friends don't give up on you when lies are swirling all around you. We should all try to be that sort of friend for people. You never know when you might need one yourself. Once again, love is something that we all need to work on. Myself included. I am not always the most loving person, and I know that needs to change.
Proverbs 17:17 ESV
A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.
Tonight, I walked outside to make sure I had gotten the mail for today, (which I already had,) and I saw a little blink of light. That was when I realized that the blink was the first firefly I had seen all summer. In that moment, I immediately thought of how true friendship shines a little bit of Christ's love for us, and can be a lifeline in the middle of immense sadness and struggle. No matter how alone I feel, there will always be a little firefly for me. No matter how dark the night gets, undoubtedly, a lightning bug will flash its light and send me the encouragement I need to keep going. Sometimes, just a kind word, a smile, a hug, or keeping one's unpleasant thoughts to one's self can make all the difference in the outcome of someone's day. Those are the little lights we see passing by on the way through the dark.
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